Vantage Press 1987 review
So Loved … is a powerfully emotional
play that is essentially about the force
of love ---particularly affected by love,
or the absence of it.
The lives of two families ---the Tressels
and the Razohns ---are revealed here
in So Loved … beginning with Stephen’s
parents, Rich & Sarah.
The girl Stephen loves is Ruth, the child
of an impulsive, domineering dad, and a
mom who feels she is a complete failure,
unable to protect her only child.
The playwright brings his characters to life
in a suspenseful play with the convincing
detail that only real life provides.
The ardent faith that suffices the play is
the power beneath the poetry with which
the play begins and which is rises to again
and again ---at the right moments.
(Revised in 2023, with the intent to continue
the story on with three additional books.)
Dedication:
As I was preparing to write this book, I kept thinking of my own Dad and Mom ...they are 'so loved'.
I thank God for my parents and the life they dedicated to help build for me. Dad and Mom gave me everything they could in the way of emotional support, much of which came naturally by them supporting each other (with their love).
There was never any doubt that Dad and Mom would stay married. They were meant for each other. And their love ...well, I cannot measure what it has done for me.
The young characters in this book don't have the security and hope that I had, but some of them still manage to survive. I have no way of knowing if I would have. I thank God I was never put to that test.
This may not be the kind of book you want to read …it's perhaps the kind of book you should.
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Prologue:
Darkness confounds the subconscious.
A frightening silence, yet a sense of peacefulness.
Yes. Slight gusts of wind soothe the sense of mere existence, then disappear.
A momentary silence is interrupted this time by the faint sound of children singing.
Each child's song is slightly different, yet together blend into a harmony of innocence.
Too soon the song fades. Yet, another sound replaces it.
This sound builds in intensity.
It is the sound of children crying.
It penetrates the darkness.
Sadly though, it does not awaken our vision.
We are too thoroughly consumed by the darkness.
Faint flashes of light add perspective and hope.
For a moment, the crying ceases as another song is heard.
This time the song is not sung by a child, but for a child:
Believe not every spirit
But try the spirits
Whether they are of God.
...we are of God.
Gaseous swirls and cloudy shadows dart
across the emptiness.
God is love, for love is of God
And everyone that loveth is born of God
And knoweth God
…for God is love
We love Him because He first loved us.
iv
...Stars begin to glimmer
Our moving
focus brings us to a distinguishable star mass.
The song continues:
God sent his only Son into the world
That we
might live through Him
Be ye therefore followers of God,
As dear children; and walk in love
As also Christ hath loved us.
Seemingly captured by a directive force,
we
begin to slowly spin toward the star mass.
And the light becomes more well-defined.
Listen to the words that Jesus taught us ...
Blessed are the poor in heart for they shall see
God.
Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be
called …the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for
righteousness' sake
...for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
We spin rapidly in what seems to be a tunnel of
wind.
Absorbed within, the voice builds with
intensity:
Love your enemies,
Bless them that curse you
Do good to them that hate you
And pray for them which despitefully use you
….and persecute you.
v
The spinning stops suddenly,
and our blurred
vision is able to focus again ...
That you may be the children of your Father
Which is in Heaven ...
Rejoicing is followed by a return to silence,
awaiting further testimony:
If God so loved us, we ought to love one
another
If we love one another, God dwells in us
We dwell in Him and He in us
Because He hath given us of His Spirit
The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit
That we are children of God.
We are drawn closer to this immense region of
Light.
Rejoice O young man in thy youth;
And let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy
youth
And walk in the ways of thy heart.
O little children, let us not love in word,
Neither in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
And hereby we know that we are of the truth
And shall assure our hearts before Him.
Except ye be converted and become as little
children,
Ye shall not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.
And whoso shall receive one such little child
In Jesus' name shall receive Him.
vi
Amongst blinding light,
our every presence is
about to be consumed ...
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones
Which believe in the Lord,
it would be better for
him that ...
Leaping blazes of fire attack with explosive
fury.
Met with blindness,
only the Words bring sight
to the present darkness:
As thou knowest not what is the way of the
Spirit
Nor how the bones do grow in the womb
Of her that is with child: even so thou knoweth
not
The works of God who maketh all.
In the morning sow thy seed
And in the evening withhold not thy hand;
for
thou knowest not
Whether shall prosper ...
* * * *
A good Mom usually knows what it takes to
be a good wife also.
And when it comes to her own son,
she is
keenly interested in
who that wife for her son
may one day be.
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vii
The first Book of the Bible describes much
disbelief. In the case of Sarah, Abraham's wife,
there came a point in time where a heavy
burden of doubt arose concerning whether she
would ever have a child, and disappointment
reigned.
Later comes an age where doubt becomes a
well-established fact. Eventually for all women
the realm of possibilities passes well on its way.
Sarah waited much beyond what would be
imagined as the upper range for an experience
as blessed as this. But here she was, fulfilling
what is beyond our furthest imagination.
Like most moms, Sarah can be imagined to
have experienced great joy in watching her son
grow. There is so much emotion and
anticipation, looking to the day a wife can be
chosen for a son.
But Sarah did not live long enough to share in
that moment. And when Sarah passed away,
Abraham grieved.
Abraham's thoughts were
also with the only son whom Sarah had given
him. Isaac was not yet married, yet Abraham felt
it was time.
Abraham wanted his son's wife to come from
his people, from a land far away, from the land
he had come from.
Abraham was quite old. He did not wish to
travel at this time, so he asked the favored
servant whom he had put in charge of
everything he had; to travel to the country of his
birthplace to find a wife for Isaac.
The servant was a good servant. The servant
prayed to God that he would know what to do.
When he arrived in the country, he would ask
for a drink and the woman who said she would
draw water for his camels also, would be the
woman he would return with, to be Isaac's wife.
That appeared to be a rather straight-forward
plan, and that is precisely how it happened.
Rather easy, it seems.
That was Rebekah. But nearly four thousand years later, in a much different culture, another Sarah is struggling. In her 'day and age' most girls are not dealing with frustration over time and again not being able to get pregnant, as she perceives that girls too easily do, then somehow conclude they don't want to be. That being said ...it is this Sarah whose story we are to begin.
viii
Actually, this is a story about more than just
one kind of mom. This is mostly for all those
moms who don't feel the accolades of praise for
that special Sunday once a year called 'Mother's
Day'. When other women attend church on that
day, and are recognized for all that motherhood
stands for: you may feel a rising regret, a
sadness, or perhaps a lingering depression.
But rest assured, those of you who feel you fit
into this category aren’t alone in understanding
the gravity of circumstances that have driven
you to this point.
If you feel you are not comforted by those
who fill the seats around you, remember, it is
not the foremost responsibility of others to
fulfill your needs.
The role of others is an extremely important
role, yet their role is still secondary. Primarily,
you are to look to the One you are called to
worship.
Perhaps some of you are about to become
moms, and society sends its cruel sting of:
"Wait, you still have a choice!"
If that choice already rests within you, then
by all means don't attempt to cause unrest for
the innocent, nor cause yourself unnecessary
pain or grief. Love your child with the love you
should 'full well' know God has for you.
Let love heal any difficult circumstances.
In short: "By all means, be a Mom!!”
Whatever your circumstances may be or may
have been, please continue to endure.
To all Moms: You are 'so loved'…
There is a greater love ...but among
humankind, there is no greater than what can
be shared between a Mom and her child.
To fail
to realize this could destroy a great love ...and perhaps a great nation with it.
ix
Scene I ...Event One
Several of Sarah's friends grew up in single
parent homes ...most of them the child of a
single mom. Sarah is the child of a single dad,
with no recollection of Mom.
Her time with Mom was brief. Mom died after
suffering complications at Sarah's birth. So,
Sarah's time with Mom (or more accurately,
within Mom) was only nine months and three
days. Those were nine months of not only
intense pain, but intense dedication also.
Naturally, Sarah grew up being exposed to the
things Dad showed interest in. As is common to
man …that interest often limits itself almost
entirely to sports.
"Are you ready for the big game, Sarah?"
"Dad ...you know I've never been comfortable
dancing and jumping around."
"I know, I know …you never wanted to get
into cheerleading in the first place."
After a deep sigh, "I love you Sarah, but your
old dad isn't going to be around for forever."
"I know, so you wanted me to become a
cheerleader so I'd meet people. And it's only right, I suppose, not to expect you to support me
my whole life. How does that cheer you taught
me go? Give me an 'M', give me an 'A', give me
an 'N'. What does it spell? ...Trouble?"
1
"Sarah, be honest with me ...do you think that
I was trouble for your Mom?"
"No, I don't remember an occasion to think
anything ...you never talk about Mom. Why is
that?"
"Too painful."
“Okay, I’ve always respected that ...so, if we
don’t talk about her, how about you give me just
one word you’d use to describe her. One word
for today, and for a week ...each day a different
word.”
“Beautiful ---the most beautiful girl in our
entire high school ---almost as beautiful as
you.”
"That was way more than a word ...that was
actually a sentence, a compound sentence.
Maybe by the end of the week, we will be able to
talk about her ...and I'll be able to get a sense of
who Mom actually was."
Dad turns away, to avoid revealing the tear in
his eye. "Maybe."
"I'm sure she was beautiful in many ways.
Sometimes when a person is valued for their
looks ...other things are overlooked."
"I didn't overlook all the other great things
about her ...and she certainly could have
overlooked me, but she didn't. You are a lot like
your Mom, in many wonderful ways."
Sarah knows he is finding it difficult to talk.
"Thanks, Dad. I can see how easily Mom saw
how special you are."
Dad returns to the first topic of conversation,
"I really think we have a chance at the State
Championship."
2
Sarah is so thankful for what Dad had shared.
"I think we do too. Our quarterback is good."
"I wish you'd get over how good Brett is.
There's not a single one in his whole family that
ever amounted to much. You hook up with him
and I'd have to support the both of ya."
"Dad, you've always taught me not to judge
people."
"I'm not judging, I'm teaching. Brett's whole
family is just like your ol' dad. And I want more
for you than what I've been able to give you."
"I'm proud of what you've given me. That's
what our nation is built upon; people who
believe in solid values and the dignity and pride
that goes along with it."
"Sounds like a political speech. I hope you
don't marry one of them politicians. They make
good money, but I don't like them much. On
second thought, Sarah, much can be
overlooked when you have money. Brett will
never have money. He may get recruited by
some college, but he will never make the pros.
Now take the one he's going up against, that
Tressel boy; he comes from one of the
wealthiest families. He'll never have to worry
about getting recruited. He'll never have a worry
in his life. I'd wish that kind of life for you."
"So, we're not the future 'Fortune 500' class;
we're still playing for dignity and pride."
"That Tressel boy has a lot of pride too. His
whole family does. No one can say he didn't
earn that All-State honor."
"Okay, Dad ...I get it. Just make sure you
don't forget who you are rooting for."
3
Scene I ...Event Two
It is close, but no upset in the making. The
game ends ...and the favored team wins.
Richard Tressel, like a warrior just back from
battle, looks about …to see whatever else can
be conquered.
At halftime, he had asked the coach's son to
find out what her name was. He was told her
name was Sarah ...clearly the prettiest
cheerleader on either team.
A shallow standard to judge by, but when
men are out conquering, the standard often
holds.
Rich enjoys the game of football, but his main
motivation for winning is a game he enjoys
even more. Winning the football game makes
this even easier. As the signal caller for his
team, he is used to assessing what he is about
to face, and quickly choosing his best course of
action.
Sarah is slowly walking past the field’s
maintenance shed ...and the door is open. Rich
steps forward at just the right moment, causing
her to stop ...to avoid colliding with him.
Rich smiles, "Sorry your team lost ...you were
doing such a great job cheering them on."
Sarah has good upbringing, so it's automatic to simply say, "Thanks."
4
Rich suddenly grabs her pom poms, and
begins a cheer. He shakes them to the left
...then to the right ...then to the left again, "Go
...Go ...Go Team!!"
With that last shake, the pom poms slip from
his hands ...traveling through the open door of
the maintenance shed.
Sarah doesn't wait for any gentlemanly ways
...going to retrieve her own pom poms.
Sarah hears a creak behind her, and looks back to see Rich standing there. She
doesn't know if someone else shut the door, or
if it was the wind. Or had Rich just shut the
door to the shed?
At this moment, Sarah isn’t focusing on her surroundings, nor on who shut the door ...what
presently fills the room is Rich's smile.
Part of her feels she should be disturbed by
this, but strangely, her mind replays how polite
and sincere his voice seemed when he'd said
he was sorry for her team's loss.
Sarah finds herself smiling back.
She doesn't really assess why she is smiling.
Is it the good feeling of having someone of such
prestige paying attention to her?
Sarah prides herself in not following such shallow
standards, which often lead to rather precarious
potential outcomes?
She had never responded positively to any
attention of this sort in the past. She had always
assertively said something to turn away any
unwelcome advances ...and in her mind, all the
advances had been unwelcomed.
She can't quite understand why this would be
different. It isn't the words of her dad echoing in
her head: "He'll never have a worry in his life. I'd
wish that kind of life for you." She never really
believed that faulty adage, that money could
buy happiness.
5
Sarah doesn't exactly know why ...he doesn't
seem to represent anything she believes in, but
at this moment, she somehow believes Rich
likes her. And she somehow strangely feels she
likes him.
What this all means, she doesn't really give much thought to. It seems he is calling the plays.
Sarah had never read the playbook, and at this
moment he is not coming across as the
opposing team. She feels she is no longer
cheering. She is now in the game ...at this
moment, his game!
At this moment she convinces herself that
she wants to be won ---well, not exactly, but
often it's hard to turn back even wrong
emotions.
Sarah has lots of years ahead of her
to realize all this. And though some things are
better learned sooner than later, seldom is this
taught.
At this moment, it's not that the concept of
'reason' is unwelcome ...it is merely forgotten,
or neglectfully not invited.
When you believe you're in a dream, it's hard
to reason whether it may turn into a nightmare.
The victorious warrior moves in closer.
This battle is best fought by putting the armor
aside ---helmet, shoulder pads, spiked shoes …
6
Scene I ...Event Three
Football season is over, and now basketball season
is in full swing ...though this teacher isn't interested in sports. She believes literature is among the finer things. She waits as her class
turns their pages loudly. "I see some of you
forgot to bring your American Poetry and Prose
book. You will just have to listen while the rest of us read along with Walt Whitman, page four
hundred and three, 'There Was a Child Went
Forth', page four hundred and three."
Sarah hears the teacher very distinctly, as she dreams in segments along with the words.
The teacher reads slowly with much
expression:
"There was a child went forth every
day,
And the first object he look'd upon
that
object he became ..."
Sarah imagines she has a child ---her and
Rich's child. And their child seems fascinated
with the basketball and pursues it.
"And that object became a part of him
for the
day or a certain part of the day,
Or for many
years or stretching cycles of years."
The child has grown and is now playing on a
basketball team while Rich and Sarah look on,
holding hands. Curiously enough, Rich and
Sarah have not changed any over the years.
"The early lilacs became part of this child, "
7
Back to early childhood, Sarah walks with
their son through the garden and they stop to
smell the roses.
"And grass and white and red morning glories,
and white and red clover,
and the song
of the phoebe-bird ..."
Sarah points to a bird in a tree.
"And the Third-month lambs
and the sow's
pink-faint litter,
and the mare's foal and the
cow's calf ... "
Sarah watches curiously as her son moves
along the fence-line of their farm. They share
excitement together as they watch the newborn
calf stumble about, attempting to keep its
balance as it views the world itself for the first
time.
"And the noisy brood of the barnyard
or by
the mire of the pond-side,
And the fish suspending themselves
so
curiously below there,
and the beautiful curious
liquid,
And the water-plants with their graceful
flat
heads,
all became part of him ..."
Rich and Sarah sit on the edge of a pier, their
son on Rich's lap. Their pants are rolled up just
above the knee as they watch the movement of
tiny fish below, cautiously approaching their
dangling feet. A fish jumps near the lily-pads a
short distance away. A ring of tiny ripples
moves outward. Then fading, the water stills.
8
"The field-sprouts of Fourth-month
and Fifth-month became part of him,
Winter-grain sprouts and those
of the light-yellow corn,
and the esculent roots of the
garden,
And the apple trees cover'd with blossoms
and the fruit afterward,
and wood-berries,
and
the commonest weeds by the road ... "
Sarah and her son walk between rows of
towering cornstalks, then cross a field of grain
to the gravel road. There stands the commonest
Brett.
"And the old drunkard staggering home
from
the outhouse
of the tavern whence he had lately
risen ..."
Sarah imagines what it would have been like
being married to Brett. Though she realizes some of these thoughts
are marred by an obvious impression created
by Dad’s worries and fears. And in this present
image, she and Brett have several children.
Brett is out late again, so she is home alone.
She tucks the children in bed and bids them
good-night.
9
"And the schoolmistress that pass'd
on her
way to the school,
And the friendly boys that pass'd,
and the
quarrelsome boys,
And the tidy and fresh-cheek'd girls,
and the
barefoot black boy and girl ..."
Brett and Sarah's son is dropped off at
school. As he walks backwards, waving to his
parents, some boys trip him and he falls to the
dusty ground. Brett stops Sarah's hand as she
reaches for the car door. Brett wants their son
to be able to cope on his own. Tidy, well-groomed girls giggle, covering their mouths
with their hands. Rushing forward, a barefoot
girl helps their son up. Their son doesn’t appear to be
hurt, and brushes off his clothes.
"And all the changes of city and country
wherever he went.
His own parents, he that had father'd him
and
she that had conceiv'd him in her womb
and
birth'd him,
They gave this child more of themselves than
that,
They gave him afterward every day,
they
became part of him ..."
Brett and Sarah travel down an old country
road. Their aging home is at the end where the
road narrows.
"The mother at home quietly placing the
dishes
on the supper-table,
The mother with mild words, clean cap and
gown,
a wholesome odor falling off her person
and clothes as she walks by ..."
Sarah is in an evening gown. She sets the
table for a candlelight dinner. Brett is wearing
old worn jeans, and a greasy unwashed shirt.
He smiles, breathing deep satisfaction as she
brings his prepared meal.
10
"The father, strong, self-sufficient,
manly,
mean, anger'd, unjust …."
Once again, Brett is arguing because his
meal is cold. Their four children have all just
fallen asleep. The shouting mixes with their
dreams ---or mostly nightmares.
"The blow, the quick loud word,
the tight
bargain, the crafty lure ..."
Their oldest may prove to be their only boy, as the next six children are all girls ...Sarah having given birth now to her second set of triplets. They all crowd into the servant's quarters at the
Tressel estate, as Sarah gazes outward
through a cracked smudged window.
"The family usages, the language, the
company,
the furniture,
the yearning and
swelling heart,
Affection that will not be gainsay'd,
the sense
of what is real ..."
Sarah suddenly opens her eyes wide and
stares for a moment at the teacher, who
continues to read:
"The thought if after all it should prove
unreal."
11
Sarah glances back out the window to a tree.
She dreams about the tree in their backyard. It
is a tree that she and Dad had planted when she
was just a child.
Dad steps out from behind the family tree.
Brett walks out of the house, leading their son
by the hand. Sarah watches from the window as
Brett hands their son to Dad. Brett offers no
resistance. They appear both grateful, and
shake hands. Sarah wipes her tears as Richard Tressel drives up. Dad hands his
grandson to Rich, and watches as they both
drive away.
"The doubts of day-time
and the doubts of
night-time,
the curious whether and how ..."
The teacher's voice becomes fainter and
fainter.
"Whether that which appears so is so,
or is it
all flashes and specks?"
Sarah's vision becomes a blank image of
screened light, as if through her eyelids. It
becomes dark for a moment, then blotches of
light become as specks.
The television is on as Sarah arrives home.
Her dad is watching golf. How is she ever going
to tell Dad?
Maybe another day. Putting off the inevitable is par for the course.
12
Scene I ...Event Four
Bells. Church bells, wedding bells ...the
hopes and dreams of the pure and innocent.
Bells also signal the beginning of a fight ...the
dashed innocence.
But this bell is a school bell ...an intrusion
upon the great art of daydreaming.
Sarah sits with her head in her hands. Her
fingertips press against her temples. She
pushes her hair back, combing her fingers
through her natural blonde hair.
She has heard too many bells today. The
tardy bell, the second hour bell, the third hour
bell, the lunch bell, the fourth hour bell, and
now the dismissal bell. This last bell is usually a
welcome bell, but today she plans to tell Dad.
Sarah is not in a hurry to go home. But she
must get home. Dad will worry if she is not on
time.
13
Scene I ...Event Five
Dad: "I can't believe it! How could you! It is
Brett, isn't it? You are trying to protect him. Of
all people, why Brett?!!"
Sarah: "It's not Brett, Dad. Can't we just talk
about this without getting so upset?"
Dad: "Without getting so upset!?!"
Sarah: "Dad, it's Richard Tressel."
Sarah looks at her dad who has suddenly
become silent. Did he believe her? Why doesn't
he say anything?
Dad (speaking with quiet reasoning): "The
Tressel family is a family of honor. They will do
right by this."
14
Scene I ...Event Six
It has been a long day. Every day this week
had been a long day. But today was particularly
exhausting.
Sarah's dad kisses her good night, then
ruffles her hair. It had been years since he'd
done that. But it feels good! She is still his little
girl.
But it is not the good that fills Sarah's head.
She cannot sleep. She hugs her pillow and cries
softly. The Tressel Family had not seemed
surprised, but quite the opposite. Disturbingly,
they seemed to have been accustomed to this
sort of thing. And they had very politely offered
their advice.
Sarah had made a mistake, but it was not her
mistake alone.
It makes her angry. Why was the burden of
responsibility solely on her shoulders?
That same anger had driven so many from
'Pro-life' to 'Pro-choice'. But Sarah is not going
to allow that transfer of anger to prevent her
from doing what she knows is right.
"Why, why, why ---do we women get so
sucked into this?" Sarah screams out silently in
her mind.
Sarah does not want to burden Dad with any
more of her emotions.
She attempts to rationalize it in her mind.
When it comes to the attraction between men
and women, the movie industry helps glamorize
it so much so ---that we think they are the
authority on the way it should be.
Sarah imagines the standard date:
Man: "I'm going to take you out for dinner
and a movie, then we'll go to my place.
15
Man (with a different perspective): "It's a new
restaurant. The food is excellent, but it's
poisonous, so we'll go to the hospital
afterwards to get your stomach pumped. But
that will only take a few hours. We will have
time to catch a late movie. There's a great
thriller that just came out. You'll have
nightmares for weeks. Then we can go to my
place afterwards. Don't worry, we're a team
now, and I have everything covered. If needs be,
if we find ourselves in that dilemma, I can
always drive you to the abortion clinic."
To Sarah, this is the nightmare. She won't
make this bigger mistake. Abortion is not an
option. Despite her mistake, she will do the
right thing now. And God will give little Stephen
a blessing ...Stephanie, if her baby is a girl.
When lives find themselves directed by
impulsive notions ...there is difficulty enough.
But, when pressure is dictated by contrary
values and biases, life becomes a somewhat
more diminishing hope.
Rich had never seen his parents so upset.
Rich's dad demands, "You can't marry her!"
Rich has been through this before, but he
somehow feels he has changed, "She is
carrying our child!"
Mom chimes in, "That didn't seem to bother
you before! It seemed your goal in high school
was to pull this stunt every year ...and it is
always a cheerleader. It cost us several hundred thousand dollars to keep them and their families quiet."
16
Rich insists, "But, I like Sarah."
Mom protests, "Didn't you like the others
...or were you just trying to drive us crazy? And
what is so likeable about Sarah?"
Rich firmly makes the point, "I like the fact
that she wouldn't let you pay her off. And I think
she actually likes me. I need someone like that."
Dad's anger has not diminished, "You need
someone who is not going to embarrass the
family."
Rich feels the sting, "That's your
perspective. Maybe you and Mom should try for
another child."
Mom's response only makes Rich think that
having another son besides him may have been
a silent wish, "You know we are getting too
old."
Rich wishes not to discuss it any longer, "So
is this conversation."
17
Scene I ...Event Seven
